Bogdan u Gabriel
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Inregistrat: acum 16 ani
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Mărturii ale unor programatori, designeri, etc
Client: Can you update my Adobe?
Me: Sure. Which program are you using?
Client: You need to listen to me when I speak! ADOBE
Me: Yes, I got that part. Adobe is the publisher, they make quite a-
Client: Adobe! I want my Adobe updated. I have no idea what you’re talk about…
Me: Adobe makes lots of programs. Like, you wouldn’t say, “I just updated my Microsoft - “
Client: Microsoft isn’t working either. Find a solution for that while you’re at it.
Client: Our page isn’t updated.
Me: We haven’t been given any content to update it with.
Client: We thought we’d save time and space by not sending the attachments.
Me: You’re saving time and space by not sending the content we need to update with?
Client: The emails sent faster, didn’t they!?
Client: Can you fax this for me?
Me: Sure.
Client: What are you doing? Those are confidential papers!
Me: Ma’am, you asked me to fax this.
Client: Just fax it through in the envelope. I don’t want you seeing my confidential papers.
Me: The internet isn’t working - but don’t worry, we’ve called to get it sorted and they said it should be up in the next ten minutes.
Client: We’ll just e-mail in Outlook then.
Me: That’ll be down too.
Client: Fine! It’s unprofessional, but we’ll use Facebook.
Me: Do you understand what the internet is?
"How many megawatsits are an image?"
After creating a contract for a painting, the ‘client’ had this to say:
Me: Okay, the contract is attached. Please review and sign.
Client: I don’t like this. I am MORE than a client. I am the principle artist. You have to change this in the contract. You are only an illustrator and I’m the one that came up with the idea anyways. If anything, you should be paying me for my ideas.
Me: Can you send me that on DVD?
Client: Well, it is 4.15 GB file so I’ll have to use two of them.
Me: DVD should hold 4.7 GB - I think one’ll be enough.
Client: Are you listening to me? It is 4.15 GB. 15 is more than 7. Idiot…
I received an email at 3PM on a Thursday asking for a flyer by Monday.
Me: I have a full queue right now. To be honest, I don’t quite understand the terminology you’re using. Can we meet tomorrow about this project?
Client: I’ll be on vacation tomorrow but will be back on Monday.
Me: So you need this now?
Client: Let me know when you have time to talk about it. How’s Monday?
Me: I thought this needed to be done by Monday.
Client: Yes.
I gave a client statistics regarding an online application we created.
Client: 80% of app-users? 80% out of what?
Me: Out of all app-users. It’s out of 100%.
Client: Well, it could be out of 1000%. Please be more detailed with your data.
Client: I did this document in MS Word. I need you to scan the document, convert it to a PDF, and then email it back to me.
He then handed me an 18-page document.
"I don’t like the fact that you sent me a contract; it makes me feel bound to pay you."
"What’s your email address?" — Sent via e-mail
After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.
Client: Why are you calling me?
Me: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.
Client: It’s even more than the last one!
Me: Yes. The contract you signed stated that I would add a late fee for payment.
Client: You mean I have to actually pay you? I thought you were joking!
Me: What on earth made you think that?
Client: You’re a freelancer!
Me: And…
Client: Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!
"I’ve decided on the photos that I would like you to use on the website. They are attached to this email. Please send them back when you’re finished as they are my only copies. Thanks!"
A client has various business areas which are identified by acronyms, including LAP, EQP and FAP. They wanted some new online adverts made up. I asked what ideas they’d had for the text. This is what they came back with
FAP online (everyone is doing it)
FAP in schools
FAP for life.
At 3am, after finishing a website template for a client who had to have it “by 6am their time,” I sent an email letting her know that it was finished. The next day I get a call:
Client: I don’t appreciate you staying out all night when you should be working on my project.
Me: I’m sorry? I was working all last night. As you can see, I sent you an e-mail -
Client: I see that. At 3am. Do you think it’s okay to party all night and then work without sleep at 3am? It’s very unprofessional and morally reprehensible.
Me: What makes you think I was out partying?
Client: Why else would you be up at 3am?
Me: You gave my 24 hours to do 18 hours of work. I had to stay up
Client: Don’t try to use math on me!
Client: I do have the logo on a Mac Disk, will that help?
Me: Please email the logo
Client: Trouble is we don’t have any Macs, and our PC’s don’t even accept floppy’s. How about I mail it to you?
Me: Are you saying the logo is on a 3.5” floppy disk?!
Client: I’ll have to double check.
A few minutes of waiting.
Client: The floppy disk measures 3.5 inches, yes.
Me: Here are the photographs from the shoot yesterday
Client: Nice shots - I like this one from behind the man. Can you just flip the image so we can see his face and not the back of his head?
Me: You want me to turn him around in the photograph so you can see his face?
Client: Yes - and maybe we can make him black. Do you have Photoshop?
I’m a freelance designer. At lunch with a client, he requested to see a wireframe on my laptop.
Client: Wow, that loaded really fast! How is your laptop that fast?
Me: Well, I had to pay extra for a faster processor. This way, I get an extra gigahertz, and my programs can launch and render that much faster.
Client: Don’t you mean gigabytes? Everything in computers is measured in bytes and gigabytes.
Me: No, actually, that number is in gigahertz. It represents the frequency of—
Client (outraged): HOW DARE YOU TALK DOWN TO ME LIKE THAT! I was on IBM’s board when they designed the IBM PC! I have more knowledge of computers in one hi than you’ll ever have in your life! GIGAHERTZ HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPUTERS!
And right then, I decided I wanted nothing to do with him.
"Transparent vector jpeg will do just fine." — The file format my client wants his photographs in
Client: The VP did a three hour speech that needs to be cut down to 30 minutes and I need a VHS on my desk in a half hour.
Me: I can’t possibly make that deadline. Also, are you sure you don’t want a DVD?
Client: You are so negative! Why can’t you do it?
Me: I can’t cut down a 3 hour speech in a half an hour. Even if I could it would take me more then 30 minutes to make the VHS and spot check it. It can’t be done.
Client: You always have an excuse. I need that VHS now.
I finished the VHS in four hours. It sat on the clients desk for a week before I received this e-mail:
Received your VHS (late!). Why is this on tape instead of DVD?
"I’m not paying for hosting. My website doesn’t need hosting, it just hosts itself on the internet."
"Can we do a website in complete 3D? Maybe users can print out 3D glasses to look at it too!"
A client called having technical trouble accessing a file on his computer.
Me: Okay, are you using Mac or PC?
Client: I’m not sure.
Me: Okay, does it say “Start” in the bottom left corner of your screen?
Client: No.
Me: Is there a circle with a flag icon there?
Client: No.
Me: Is there an apple in the top left corner of the screen?
Client: No.
Me: Do you know if you’re using Linux?
Client: No.
Me: Okay, how do you access this document you want to publish?
Client: I click “Start…”
"Please make the video between 60 seconds and 1 minute."
Me: “Alright, I want you to go ahead and drag that file to your desktop.”
Client: “Pff. I don’t have a desktop, I have a laptop!”
"These days, I’m using the Mozzarella one… With the fire." — Client, when asked what internet browser he’s been using
Client: “Could you edit this button on the website.”
Me: “Which one are you talking about?”
Client: “This one.”
Me: “Which one?”
Client: “The one my mouse is pointing at, are you blind!?”
Me: “…We’re having this conversation over the phone. I can’t see your mouse.”
Client: “Well then go onto the site! I’m hovering the mouse right over the button. It’s hard to miss!”
Me: “What!?”
Client: “I don’t want to download it. Just give it to me over the phone.”
Me: “It’s a computer program, I can’t give it to you over the phone. I can mail you a DVD, or I can tell you how to safely download it over the internet.”
Client: “Look, I’m not downloading anything, and I’m not getting off the phone until you give it to me.”
Me: “…Okay, do you have a pen and a piece of paper?”
Client: “Hold on…Yup, go ahead!”
Me: “0 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 (continued saying random sequence for about 20 seconds)”
Client: “Okay, I guess you can mail it to me.”
Text correspondence:
Client: “I need that as A.S.A.P. as possible!”
Me: “As as soon as possible as possible…?”
Client: “Are you drunk?”
I spent around half an hour on the phone trying to talk someone through adding contacts on Skype. Around the forty minute mark they asked me: ‘Should I download Skype?’
Client: (Calling our computer store for assistance) “I turn on my computer, but all I can see is the green LED on! The screen is still black!”
Me: “Your computer is here. You have only the monitor”.
My boss wanted something like a coat-of-arms for his logo. I showed him one with a lion, and he said “It’s been done before. We want to be unique”. So, I showed him one with a tiger instead, but he said “Not THAT unique. Tigers don’t belong on a coat-of arms. Can’t we find a middle-ground?” A week later, tired of redesigning the logo, I just literally found a middle-ground: I sent him one with a Liger.
An irate customer came into to the computer store I work at to complain to my manager that she didn’t receive the correct product— the previous day, I had helped her select a wireless router to use in her home. The customer quickly pointed me out and, after some yelling and huffing, we began to address the variety of issues that could have caused the router to not work. After making no headway with all of the advanced networking questions, I decided to start over with the basics:
“Do you currently have a service with an internet provider?”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you signed up with Clear, Comcast or AT&T to get internet in your home?”
“You have to BUY the internet?!”
"hey got you’re message, try using spelcheck next time and check you’re grammer okay bud?"
A client had two minutes of footage of a crowded beach for a commercial, with more than 20 people walking around, swimming, and sunbathing, with umbrellas, towels and other stuff littering the sand.
Client: We decided that the beach should be empty, so we need you to delete everything in the scene except the sand and the sea.
Me: Wouldn’t it be easier to go there again and shoot it while no one is there?
Client: No we need this right now.
"Can you please make the banner image more clear and less sharp?"
"Would please print this video for me?"
Modificat de Bogdan u Gabriel (acum 12 ani)
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