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Infamous
The SH*T LIST
- Ghost sh*t -
You know you've sh*tted. There's sh*t on the toilet paper, but
there's no sh*t in the toilet.
- Teflon Coated sh*t -
Comes out so slick, clean, and easy that you don't even
feel it. No traces of sh*t on the toilet paper. You have to look for
the sh*t in the toilet to be sure you did it.
- Gooey sh*t -
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times
and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
you underwear so you don't stain it. This sh*t leaves permanent skid
marks in the toilet.
- Second Thought -
You're all done wiping you ass and you're about to
stand up when you realize it...you've got to sh*t more.
- Pop A Vein In Your Forehead sh*t -
This is the kind of sh*t that killed
Elvis. It just doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty,
trembling, and purple from straining so hard.
- Right Now sh*t -
You better be within 30 seconds a toilet. Usually it has
it's head out before you get your pants down.
- Green sh*t -
Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad.
- King Kong or Commode Choker sh*t -
This sh*t is so big that you know it won't
go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
hanger works well. This kind of sh*t usually happens at someone else's
house.
- Cork sh*t aka Floaters -
Even after the third flush, it's still
floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it?! This sh*t also
usually happens at someone else's house.
- Wet Cheeks sh*t -
This sh*t hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash
that gets your ass all wet.
- Wish sh*t -
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no sh*t.
- Cement Block sh*t or Oh God! sh*t -
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you sh*tted.
- Snake sh*t -
This sh*t is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb
and at least 3 feet long.
- Mexican Food sh*t aka Screamers -
You'll know it's alright to eat
again when your asshole stops burning.
- Beer Drunk sh*t -
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your
sh*t doesn't smell too bad, but this sh*t is BAD! Usually there's
someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of
sh*t also usually happens at someone else's house.
- Burning Ass sh*t -
Self explanitory. Usually occurs after eating Burning
Mouth Indian food.
- Firecracker sh*t -
This sh*t comes out in little explosions. Like a string of
firecrackers. Just when you think the last blew, wait, there's
more sh*t to come. Interspersed with flagellations.
- Volcano sh*t -
Not liquid and not solid, this sh*t sort of emerges from your
ass in a continuous flow. Usually happens when you are in a hurry or
ate Indian food the night before.
- Nuclear sh*t -
One huge King Kong log explosion followed by a solid
outpouring of sh*t in varying textures and densities. Asshole
radiates for awhile afterwards.
- Shy sh*t -
Combination of Wish sh*t and Second Thought sh*t. It's going to
come out. No it's not. Yes it is. No it's NOT. Best bet is to force
to become the Pop A Vein in Your Forehead sh*t.
- Sex sh*t -
Incredible urge to deficate caused by increased movement of
internal organs due to the act of sex. This sh*t kind of sneaks up
on you. Your never quite sure whether it will emerge in solid or
gaseous state.
- sh*t! sh*t -
This sh*t gives you ample warning of it's impending arrival.
Yet, you are still unable to find ac(commode)ations. Usually on long
airline flights with equally long latrine lines, during traffic, in the
middle of a conference or meeting. If serviced early enough, it is
Teflon sh*t. If late enough, Cement Block sh*t.
- Baby sh*t -
Self explanatory. Output often more attractive and seemingly
palatable then input. Comes in a variety of colors and textures.
- SLOW sh*t -
Much like Shy sh*t except you have the feeling of continuous,
albeit miniscule progress. Coaxing and straining does not help.
Get a good book and relax. This sh*t is in no hurry.
- AcId sh*t -
Occurs the morning after taking two hits of acid and getting
the munchies. You're not quite sure what it is you ate, but from
the looks of this sh*t , it must have been something really gnarly.
May come in colors, might just seem that way. Spend more time
admiring it then delivering it.
_______________________________________
Reasonable Astartes Chapter -"Let's talk first!"
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AndutzU
Pe lista neagra
Inregistrat: acum 19 ani
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Tipuri de kkt
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1.kktul fantoma:
Stii cu siguranta ca l-ai facut. Urme ale sale sunt pe hârtia igienica dar în WC nu este nici urma de kkt. Mai poate fi numit si kktul Torpedo atunci când a fost auzit cazând în apa din WC...
2.kktul teflon:
Vine matasos si moale ca nici nu îti dai seama. Pe hârtia igienica nu sunt urme de kkt. Pentru a fi sigur ca a fost facut trebuie sa te uiti în WC...
3.kktul caucuiucat: Are consistenta bitumului fierbinte si lasa urme gretoase pe faianta WC-ului. De stergi de cel putin 18 ori la cur si acesta nu este înca curat. Trebuie sa îti bagi hârtie igienica în chilotzi pentru a nu-i umple de kkt.
4.kktul cu aprindere întârziata: Tocmai te-ai sters la kur si te-ai ridicat în picioare...când vine tura urmatoare...
5.kktul sarpe: Alunecos de grosimea degetuli mare si are o lungime de cel putin 50 de centimetrii. Are un potential ridicat (la fel ca si kktul fantoma) de "kkt Torpedo"...
6.kkttul pluta:
Mai este cunoscut si sub numele de "înotatorul". Desi ai tras apa de trei ori el pluteste înca în WC. Doamne! Cum te poti scapa de el? Nu se lasa nicidecum luat de apa. Apare de obicei peste tot, numai în propria locuinta nu...
7.kktul dorinta:
Parca ai avea furici în intestine. Transpiri, te basheshti, faci totul... în afara de a te kaka...apare de obicei la petreceri când te nevoieste sa ocupi WC-ul un timp îndelungat.
8.kktul buci-umede:
Aceasta specie derivata loveste apa din WC cu o viteza ridicata si la un unghi înclinat astfel încât îti umezeste bucile curului...Cel mai rau la aceasta specie de kkt este
ca nu ai niciodata certitudinea daca umezeala de pe bucile tale este apa sau kkt...
9.kktul "bloc de ciment":
Ma este denumit si kktul "Doamne-Dumnezeule!". Imediat dupa ce ai început sa-l faci îti doresti din tot sufletul sa îti fi facut în prealabil o anestezie locala.
10.kktul King Kong:
Mai este cunoscut si sub numele de "kkt elefant". Este asa de mare încât re f uza sa dispara în canalizare înainte de a fi maruntit(se recomanda folosirea unui umeras de haine). La fel ca si "kktul pluta" nu apre decât atunci când te aflii într-un WC strain.
11.kktul hemoragie-craniana-interna:
Aceasta forma de kkt l-a ucis pe Elvis. El vine de abia dupa eforturi îndelungate ai schimbat culori de la rosu la verde si apoi albastru.
12.kktul bere:
Una din cele mai rele dar si una din cele mai raspândite forme de kkt. Apare în ziua urmatoare noptii de dinainte. În mod obisnuit nici nu miroase asa de rau, dar aparentele
înseala. WC-ul este stropit cu el de sus pâna jos de parca ai fi tras cu o flinta cu alice. Te si miri ca din gaura kurului tau kktul poate fi împrastiat în atâtea directii. Dupa aceea observi ca hârtia igienica s-a terminat si closetul nu este prevazut cu o perie. Apare la fel ca si alte forme numai în WC-uri straine.
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